Illustration by Monica Kim Garza.
Sex Tapes #10
Sex Tapes is a series of up front and anonymous interviews about the sex lives of various women.
Are you in a relationship?
Yes.
How often do you have sex?
It varies but probably on average like 8 times a month with my current girlfriend.
Do you like having sex
Yes! Sometimes it can be frustrating because I think we are both still navigating what works for us but sex with her is still amazing. Before I’d had a lot of mediocre sex.
What’s your favourite thing to do when with a partner?
I like when she goes down on me or uses her hands, and I like doing the same to her and it’s incredibly satisfying to make her feel pleasure.
What do you not like to do?
Have sex with men. This is a relatively new admission and it’s so empowering to be able to articulate why I’ve had so much mediocre sex in my life.
Do you sometimes do things you don’t particularly like? Why?
Sometimes I will pretend I like what my partner is doing so they don’t feel inadequate but I’m learning to better articulate my needs and desires.
Do you fake orgasms?
I used to a lot with my earlier partners—men, who don’t seem to realise it can take a lot more effort to make a woman come. I never do anymore.
Do you masturbate? If yes how often?
Yes, when my current partner and I did long distance it could be anywhere from 3x a week to twice a day, but now we’re living together so I don’t tend to anymore.
Do you cheat on your partners? If yes why?
I’ve gotten very handsy and made out with guys when I was dating a guy but I don’t anymore.
“I wish someone had told me not to assume I was a straight woman. ”
Have you ever been cheated on?
I think so, yes, an early boyfriend, but I never found out the truth.
What’s the best sex you’ve ever had and why?
A long intense session with my girlfriend where we just communicated really well and it was such a journey and so intimate. The whole thing felt amazing like I was right on the brink of an orgasm the whole time.
What’s been the worst sex you’ve ever had?
The last guy I ever fucked was the most awful and was really the last straw. He fucked like a jackhammer with no concern for me then he randomly stopped. I asked if he was tired and he said "no I finished inside of you". I felt really disgusting and I never consented to that, also I thought he had the condom on still but turns out he’d taken it off without me knowing. It took me a while to realise what I had experienced was not okay and classified as assault.
What do you fantasize about?
Sex with women, just like in a bed and sometimes in random places like if we were the only two people on earth and could do it anywhere.
Would you ever act on your fantasies?
Well maybe humans will become extinct soon thanks to the way we treat the planet so perhaps.
What do you wish someone had told you about sex before you started having it?
That your pleasure is important and you don’t have to just go along with it to make someone else feel good and forget about your pleasure too. I wish someone had told me not to assume I was a straight woman. I wish someone had told me you can say no at any time. I wish I knew that sex wasn’t always just some quick act, it can be long and enjoyable.